it's amazing how people will respond when they know that you're rooting for them, that your in their corner , wanting them to do well. often times, they will be willing to change then they know you're not trying to condemm them, that you are not trying to put them down or make them fell bad about themselves. true correction always inspires people to want to do better. if you'll make it a priority to keep emotional accounts full in your relationships. you will have far fewer problems with people receiving suggestions from you. in fact , one expert says that the 1st 30 seconds of a conversation will determine the next hour. so when you have something sensitive to talk about , when you have something that has potential to cause conflict or problems, always start positively. ( reminds me of when barbra cox once told me start these kind of conversation with " i love you " ) make sure the time to approach the subject is right. make sure you have though before hand how your going to start the conversation & exactly what your going to say...and in your case trace always best to keep it simple and too the point. be aware of your tone of voice . watch your body language . keep a plesant expression & discuss the matter in " love ".when trying to improve a relationship , if your words or actions cause the other person to become defensive you've defeated your purpose that is not going to receive what you have to say . if your " shamming " " blaming " or just judging...they will turn it back on you. studies show that it takes 5 positive charges to over ride one negative comment . in other words , before you say a thing, give that person 5 compliments. remember genuine love overlooks a fault . love makes allowances for mistakes... true love sees the best in every person. if you want to make a hugh deposit into someone's life, when he makes a mistake & he knows it...don't make a big deal out of it ..if possible... don't embrass them , try to hold these conversations in private & always do your best to protect their dignity.... from joel osten...